31. I'm Not Hormonal, I'm Disabled

Now, it's not in my nature to get badly frustrated. Sure, things make me emotional, but not resentful. I don't get upset by the fact that I can't do things. I just feel amazed I'm getting better rapidly. These past few weeks I've been a bit of a mess nearly every day though. I haven't been sad. I've been deeply angry about the inefficiencies of the system.

I was feeling quite stressed by a particular incident last week,  as well as by some uni admin I was finding a bit challenging. I tried to tell someone in charge my concerns for another resident, but I ended up crying, which I found extremely embarrassing, given we weren't really close. I apologised for being upset, and she said, in a nice tone, "It's okay, you're a young girl dealing with hormones like anyone else." That almost shocked me to silence straight away. It was the kind of thing I'd expect a patronising man to say. I don't think anyone who knew me would describe me as hormonal. I probably mumbled something polite then let her give me a hug. Of course, I thought of all the sarcastic come-backs later. I didn't know it was hormonal to care for someone else. You can't hug away injustice. And I'm not a girl, I'm a woman.

I know the person is really nice though. Adults all slip into that way of talking about girls/young women. It's not individuals actively trying to belittle others, just a bit of a lazy way of thinking. I'm going well physically, practising walking a lot, and have just received the all clear for using the toilet by myself, but am feeling a bit harrowed.

Look at the funny mirror in the gym.