25. I Need Drugs

I didn't have the best time this week. On Monday, the nurses ran out of a drug I take, and they were only able to get more on Wednesday evening. The drug is a muscle relaxant. Amongst other things, it is given for spasms, which thankfully I don't have. Well, I have a never been off the drug since I was started on it in September, so I didn't know exactly how it helped me. I know now. My muscles didn't suddenly become tense or jerky. I didn't feel any different. I just couldn't fall asleep. You know when you're just getting comfy, and then your skin prickles, and you just have to itch it? That was me all night. On Monday night I was a bit upset about something anyway, so I wrote off the sleepless night as just one of those things. Once one thing stresses you, it's like everything that you can normally pacify comes out to play.

On Tuesday night, I was lying awake, then called the nurse at midnight. It had dawned on me, I was probably having side effects from abruptly stopping the medication. She was really nice, but confimed my fears. She gave me a hot chocolate and some chocolate bars. I managed to get about 3 hours sleep, but it was not restful. I was incredibly tired, but not sleepy. I wasn't even anxious or overthinking anything. I knew I just had to wait it out. There was a reason.

By Wednesday afternoon, I was curled up in an armchair, feeling hollow and very fragile. I don't need to get all superlative describing it. You know how it feels. I was annoyed when I was told they had run out; I wasn't apologised to, or told I would have symptoms. Something was said about the GP not prescribing enough of the drug. Nobody explained exactly what had happened. It's not the nurses fault, it is the GP who does the prescriptions, but I can't help but feeling a bit let down. 

The nurse on Wednesday hadn't been around the previous two days. He told me he'd get it sorted, whatever happened with the prescription. He went and got the drug and it was started again by Wednesday evening. I'm relieved I didn't have worse symptoms, but hate the fact that I feel a bit betrayed, and that I need drugs.

On a more positive note, the residents got to help re-plant the big plant tubs out the front of the centre. The physio was on her day off, so we did it in the gym. I flicked soil everywhere, but had fun. I promised not to blab about the mess, and it was cleaned up fine. I broke that promise the next day. I had warned them not to trust me.

Nothing to see here.