24. The Lying, The Witch and The Wheelchair

Late October, and I was buzzing because I could turn my head. (Once, I did call someone to turn my head for me, panicked I had lost the skill, but I had just slept at a stiff angle.) I was fully able to move my right arm and leg, but they were shaking all over the place (Ataxic). The first time I asked to brush my teeth, (all that yogurt worried me), I carefully brushed, so alert to the fact my hand could easily jerk and stab myself in the gums. I lifted up a cup of water to rinse with, very aware I was not to drink any, slowly took it up to my mouth, tilted it, and promptly poured the whole thing down my front. The nurse and I couldn't stop laughing. I was sitting up in bed, having just been washed, with clean clothes. Of course, everything had to be changed again.

There was a team of 3 physios and 3 occupational therapists (plus some students) that visited me everyday (not all at once). This became twice a day for the physios when I showed good improvement on my left side. They kept coming back, and overnight I could move a shoulder, a thigh, an elbow. They would look a lot at my arm and leg whilst I was lying down. The two types of therapists overlapped sessions with me, so I practiced my sitting balance with both, as well as pushing my arm forward. My least favourite activity (besides enforced connect 4, a classic therapy game, where I was routinely thrashed), was being encouraged to move my fingers and thumb. I would get lots of support, as if from a football commentator, as we both then stared at my imaginary thumbs up. It felt a bit awkward, all this hype for something that clearly wasn't happening. I could never be sure if they were lying to  me when they said they saw a twitch. I still can't do it now, so don't even ask.

Since intensive care, I'd been sat out for about 1-2 hours a day. I increased this to 3 and then 4. So proud. It actually used to really hurt my left bum cheek, so became painful the longer I sat. I timed it so I would be sat out just before my family or friends came. That would distract me. I was taken on walks around the hospital or we would sit outside in the ward's tiny seating area overlooking the staff car park (exciting stuff). I had some really nice visits from friends there. When I didn't have visitors, I asked to be sat at the threshold of my room, overlooking the ward. I guess it's a kind of company.  It was boring, but I couldn't read because my eyes were still bouncey, and I couldn't hold a book anyway. I didn't want to watch TV or films, to be honest, I was concentrating too much on not looking uncomfortable. It was an endurance test; I knew it would only get better the more I sat out.

On Halloween, as I was being made ready in the morning, I told the health care assistant I wanted a costume. She gleefully got a sheet, cut eyeholes and made it ragged. I don't know who was more thrilled. I was put in my wheelchair (a big, supportive, reclined kind of thing), she put the sheet on me and off we went down the corridor. We zoomed along, with her cackling like a witch, trilling "booOoO" at everyone we saw. I did a much lower and quieter 'boo.' Think of a really really quiet foghorn under a sheet. Hey, at least I wasn't the recognisable one. We went into the hospital shop then back to intensive care, and I said 'trick or treat' to everyone, but no one gave us any sweets. Well, I couldn't eat anyway.

There was a Halloween tea party later that afternoon, being run by the neuro rehab ward, brain injury's sister ward. I said I'd go, though it did mean going in my chair twice that day, which would be a first for me. One of the physios took me down, and obviously I was wearing my sheet. I got stage fright though when we got there, and whipped it off my head when we arrived. It was in a small dayroom, and there were quite a few families there, including several babies. I did not trust myself anywhere near them. There was tea and cakes, which I told the housekeeper I couldn't have, but I brought back a cake for the health care assistant who took me out earlier (because she asked). I asked to go back to brain injury pretty soon after that (I was the most disabled person there, and I felt shy). I fell asleep as soon as I was back in bed. I guess you could say I gave up the ghost.

Boo.